


You are good enough

by blake_hart



Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Harry Hart needs all the love, Hurt Harry Hart, Hurt/Comfort, I'm sorry Harry I love you, Insecure Harry Hart, Insomnia, LIKE A LOT OF ANGST, M/M, Merlin is Alive, Nightmares, Protective Eggsy Unwin, Psychological Trauma, Roxy Morton is alive
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-11
Updated: 2018-10-15
Packaged: 2019-07-29 12:06:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16263863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blake_hart/pseuds/blake_hart
Summary: (post Kingsman: The Golden Circle)Although months have passed since Kentucky, Harry still suffers from hallucinations and nightmares. In addition to that, he also feels like Eggsy deserves someone better than him, someone younger and without all the problems he has. Of course he tries to hide everything, both from Eggsy and from Merlin, but eventually the situation becomes unbearable and he falls apart. Eggsy and Merlin will be by his side to help him put the pieces back together.





	1. I

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone, this is my attempt at translating a fic I'm writing in Italian.  
> I didn't know whether to do this or not as English is not my first language, but I decided to try because I need to fangirl over Hartwin and Harry Hart with someone! Let's see how it goes and then I'll decide if I should update this or not.  
> Hope you enjoy it! 
> 
> \- Blake
> 
> P.S.= Roxy and Merlin are alive and well and Tilde doesn't exist.

Once again, Harry ran his fingertip over the spot that once belonged to his eye, but was now filled by an ugly scar. He saw his sad gaze looking back at him from the mirror, while his fears and nightmares began to swirl in his head again. Although months had passed and even though every morning Harry woke up with Eggsy smiling gently at him from the other side of their bed, his mind kept going back to that pub in Kentucky. To when he had to take off his eye patch to replace it with the new glasses Merlin had created for him, to the time when Eggsy hadn’t even been able to look at him, because of that damn scar. Harry had never confessed this to anyone but he knew he wasn’t good enough for Eggsy. The boy deserved the best life had to offer and Harry just knew he wasn’t the best option for him, he just knew Eggsy could have literally anyone. That scar was simply a reminder that, sooner or later, Eggsy would get tired of him and leave him. Probably the only reason he hadn’t left already was because he felt sorry for him, because he didn’t want to leave him so soon after the trauma he had experienced.  
Harry was brought back to reality by the sound of repeated knocks against the door of the bathroom in which he was hiding.

"Arthur, are you okay? You've been locked in there for twenty minutes." It was Merlin's voice.

Since Kentucky, his colleagues, and Merlin more than everyone, had shown deep concern about his health. They were worried about him and had every reason for it, as the hallucinations kept coming back basically every day, just like the nightmares, the insomnia and the hand-trembling. Harry had mentioned something only to Merlin and Eggsy, but neither of them knew how serious the situation actually was. On their return, Harry had immediately took on the role of Arthur and the entire weight of the company - which had to be entirely rebuilt - had fallen upon him, as if everything else hadn’t already been enough. For this reason, Harry felt he couldn’t tell anyone about what was happening to him. A large number of people counted on him and him alone. Everyone relied on him now, he had to be strong, his problems could wait. Not to mention that he would never have admitted another weakness to Eggsy, he felt like he was already inadequate enough.

"I’m okay, Merlin". Harry splashed some water on his face, put on his glasses and opened the door.

Merlin looked at him, trying to figure out if he was lying, but decided not to say anything for the moment. "I have located those whom I believe to be the last followers of Poppy Adams. At present they are hidden in a building in Switzerland ".

"Great, I'll take Eggsy and Roxy with me and we'll take care of the situation today." 

"Arthur ..." Merlin murmured. He knew he’d have had to face that conversation. 

"Contact them and tell them to get ready" Harry continued, ignoring him.

"Arthur!" Merlin insisted, raising the tone of his voice.

“You will direct the operation from here” he replied, about to walk away.

“HARRY!” Everyone in the room turned around to see what was going on, but at a stern look from Merlin, they returned to their tasks.

Harry stopped and looked at him wearily: "What?"

"It's probably best if you stay here, we can send someone else. It's too soon and you still haven’t accepted to undergo psychological evaluation".

"I still haven’t accepted because I am perfectly capable of carrying out any kind of mission and I believe the success in Kentucky has proved it".

"First of all, from what Eggsy told me, your trip in Italy didn’t exactly go smoothly. And the fact that nothing happened to you while we were in Cambodia doesn’t prove you're okay now…don’t tell me I’m just supposed to ignore the dark circles around your eyes, how thin you’ve become and all the time you spend in that bloody bathroom!" Merlin was holding back from yelling at him just because he didn’t want to embarrass Harry in front of everyone. "Eggsy and I have been worried sick! You can try to keep us in the dark, but it's not as easy as you think". He paused for a second. "And I bet we don’t know half of what's really happening to you".

While Merlin was speaking, Harry couldn’t manage to say a word. When he finished, he swallowed and answered slowly: "You can think what you want, but I’m Arthur now and I decide what’s best, so I’m going. Now do as I told you and tell Galahad and Lancelot to get ready". 

Without another word, he turned his back on Merlin and went to his office. He hated acting like that, especially because he knew Merlin was just trying to help him, but he also couldn’t sit still at his desk anymore, reliving his memories over and over. He had to return to action, he had to go back to doing what he was born to do.


	2. II

"Harry..." Eggsy started talking as soon as they got off the private jet that had brought them to Switzerland. Roxy was already ahead of them.

"Not now, Eggsy".

Harry tried to interrupt him, but Eggsy continued: "Merlin was just trying to help you and...I think he was right, you should have stayed home".

Finding that Eggsy agreed with Merlin was a blow to the heart for Harry, but it also fueled his pride. "Don’t worry about me, I can take care of myself," he replied, trying to keep a composed tone of voice and kissing him gently. "And anyway…it's just a routine mission, we've seen worse".

Eggsy looked at him apprehensively, but said nothing more, knowing that it would be a lost cause.   
They walked in silence for almost thirty minutes, following the directions that Merlin was giving them through the earphones, until they were deep in the suburbs of Geneva. They stopped in front of a tall concrete building, covered in graffiti, with few windows and that surely had been abandoned for years.

"I detected the presence of 20 people in total within the structure. Four at the entrance, the remaining on the second floor. Good luck".

After thanking Merlin, Harry mentally counted up to three and then ordered the others to proceed. Eggsy and Roxy quickly took care of the guards at the entrance. Almost certainly the sound of the shots would have attracted the attention of the ones on the second floor, but the agents didn’t bother not to make noise, they wouldn’t have had any trouble dealing with the others. Or at least, this was what Harry was convinced of.  
However, when he heard the first shot, the man freezed completely for a very long instant and images of the V-day started flashing before him: the uncontainable rage during the church massacre, the faces of Eggsy and Merlin fixed in his mind, even when he had felt the bullet pierce his skull and the strong impact with the ground. Then the following void and later the panic he had felt waking up in a cell, alone, with unknown faces looking at him. He re-experienced all this within a few seconds, until he managed to close his eyes and dismiss those terrible images. When he opened them again, Roxy had just killed the last guard. He hoped with all his heart that neither she nor Eggsy had noticed what had just happened. The boy gave him a quick glance, to check if everything was going well but he didn’t seem to notice anything. Harry answered with a weak smile and gestured for him to continue. All of his certainties were abandoning him, but he decided to be strong and to keep going, even when he saw his hands, wrapped around his umbrella, shaking slightly. If he spoke he would put himself, his colleagues and the entire mission in danger. He could not afford it.  
As expected some men, drawn by the noise, started shooting at them. Harry fired a few shots and killed them in no time. They climbed two sets of stairs which separated them from the room where they would neutralize what was left of the organization of Poppy Adams for good. Then, arms loaded, they swooped in a plain room, made of concrete just like the outside of the building and lit by two windows without glass. In the middle, there was a wooden table where five people were seated, protected by men holding large guns.

"You have to kill them all" Merlin ordered through their earphones.

At that point, everything happened very quickly. Everyone began to shoot, until the shots were over. Roxy was the first to drop the gun and, with a knife in her hand, she killed two men who were trying to escape, opening deep cuts in their throats. Eggsy took care of the three who attacked him.

"No, please, not now.." Harry muttered to himself. Those damn butterflies were back.

Two men attacked him at the same time. He was not quick enough to dodge the first punch, which hit his jaw, leaving him stunned for a moment. Harry recovered quickly and noticed that the butterflies had disappeared, which gave him enough confidence to break one's neck in a few moves and throw the other on the ground, unconscious. He aimed at him with his umbrella and prepared to shoot. He was ready, he was about to pull the trigger, but suddenly the noises around him began to muffle and Harry saw some butterflies fluttering before his eyes. He blinked several times, but the butterflies did nothing but multiply. Harry backed away a few steps, lowering his umbrella. Meanwhile, the man lying at his feet had recovered and he pulled out a knife from his belt. Harry knew it was all a product of his mind, he knew there were not really butterflies darting before his eyes. Despite this, he couldn’t avoid dropping the umbrella to protect his face from those creatures who had now decided to attack him. The man with the knife quickly got up and rushed at him, sinking a blow, which, however, never reached Harry. Eggsy, who, after killing his last opponent, had witnessed pretty much the whole scene, threw himself in front of his partner, trying to stop the blow but he missed it. Eggsy felt the cold blade of the knife come in and out quickly from his body. He let out a groan, but he stifled the pain and kept on fighting. The wound was more serious than what he had imagined at first, he was losing a lot of blood and the pain made it difficult to concentrate and defend himself. He would have been overcome again if Roxy hadn’t stabbed the criminal in the back with her knife.  
Eggsy smiled gratefully at her, but fell to the ground soon after. Roxy was next to him in a second, pulling a first aid kit out of her backpack, and she started medicating his friend's wound as quickly as possible. In the meantime Harry had come to his senses again and was looking around in confusion, trying to understand what had happened, until his gaze stopped on Eggsy, lying on the ground with clothes soaked in his own blood.

"Eggsy!" he shouted alarmed, kneeling beside him. "Eggsy...oh, Eggsy...what have I done?" His voice, which since Eggsy had known him had always been so calm and controlled, couldn’t conceal his guilt and pain.

"Harry, are you okay? Don’t worry, it's nothing serious". The boy smiled at him, trying to reassure him.

"What the fuck is happening?" Merlin asked, his Scottish accent heavy with concern. 

"It's all right…" Roxy answered, taking control of the situation, since Harry was unable to articulate a sentence and simply stared at Eggsy in shock. "Eggsy has been wounded, but it’s not bad. I have stopped the bleeding, but we need a means of transport as soon as possible".

"You are surrounded by buildings, I can’t land anything there, Harry can carry him."

Roxy quickly glanced at Harry, who was muttering rambling words, with Eggsy's hand in his. "Harry...I don’t think...I don’t think he can do it at the moment".

Merlin didn’t reply, but at her words his blood froze in his veins. Harry slowly looked up from Eggsy and stared into Roxy's eyes. Then, trying to sound convincingly, he said, "N-no, I can take him, I'll take him".

"Are you sure?" Roxy asked him, with a hint of concern in his voice that she didn’t manage to hide.

The man nodded, trying to regain the confidence of the Harry Hart of the past. Then he turned to Eggsy: "I will lift you on the count of three, all right? One…two…three!"

Eggsy let out a moan of pain as Harry lifted him off the floor, holding him tightly in his arms. Roxy picked up Harry's umbrella and their backpacks and told Merlin to keep the jet ready. Harry couldn’t have said how he was able to go over the whole path which divided them from their plane again, his gaze fixed on Eggsy, who was beginning to struggle to keep his eyes open, and a myriad of thoughts darting through his head even faster than the butterflies had done during the fight.


End file.
